A New Miracle for Hannukah
My middle-aged Uncle Shlomo often jokes, "Jews have our own Holy War. It's the war against high prices, the Jewhyad." I enjoy the joke almost as much as his twenty-two year old Philippina bride who laughs with guttural glee and says to my Grandma, "That was good one. Right Mom?" My Grandma nods her head but shivers with her whole being.
But it is true. In modern thought the only thing the Jew is known more for than their frugality is their parsimoniousness. It's a quality that we half-assed Jews of the new millennium need to embrace. Jews love a good deal. And the only thing we love more than a good deal is a great deal that follows us kicking someone's ass out of Jerusalem. Hence the story of Hanukkah: The Jews force their enemies from the holy temple and then try to light the place up with one day's worth of oil. One day's oil lasts eight days. Let's have a party and all light the menorah.
In America, Hanukkah is just a way to keep young Jews from defecting round Christmas time. We forget the ass kicking/spendthrift quality of it all. This time is crazy; no one cares about the magic of these Jewish holy days amidst the red and green blur of it all. As a young Jew I'll admit that I often wished that I too could celebrate Christmas and have a normal-sized nose. I'll admit it took a Hanukkah miracle of my own to wake me up to the true message of this Holiday and appreciate my own personal Hebe-ness.
I just moved into a new place. In the hustle and bustle of it all, I have forgotten again and again to get a new MACH 3 blade for my razor. I have new ones in my trunk but again and again I get out of my car and forget to grab them. But, it's not just laziness. My blade is telling me that it's not necessary yet! The blue strip that lasts as long as the razor is good is still visible on my current razor. After at least twenty-five shaves it is as blue as the blue on the flag of Israel. Can I forget God's role in this miracle? Of course not. Every time I go to use the razor and remember how dumb I am for not getting the new one out and then see the blue and STILL get the best shave a man can get, EVEN when shaving against the grain, I say, "Thank God."